Tag: anxiety

Thank you and Goodbye

Life shouldn’t be so hard.

I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused.

But I’m much much much more relieved😌

By the Freedom from my suffering.

Please take care of each other.

Over and out.

As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.” —  C.G. Jung


When I was born, I was born alone. When I die, I will leave alone for certain. Knowing this, I take delight, between these two stages, in places of solitude, where I wander, alone. Seeking out the path of liberation. – Khenpo Tsultrim Rinpoche


Death is a release from the impressions of the senses, and from desires that make us their puppets, and from the vagaries of the mind, and from the hard service of the flesh. – Marcus Aurelius

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Get through the Day

Coping mechanism

The toilet is your best friend… Your sanctuary in modern open offices…. Get inside, lock the door, Shake and release all the pent up energy as I mentioned in this post.

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” – Eckhart Tolle

Meditation for Busy People: Facing your Fear

FACING YOUR FEAR

“And I tell you that even negative emotions are good, if real; and if they are real, by and by, their very reality transforms them. They become more and more positive and a moment comes when all positivity and negativity disappears. You simply remain authentic: you don’t know what is good and what is bad, you don’t know what is positive and what is negative. You are simply authentic.”

Osho

Osho suggests you can sit in your room with the lights off and do this technique at night. 

 

Step 1: Imagine the Worst.  15 mins

Sit in the dark and for the first few minutes think of all kinds of horrible things—whatever creates fear in you. Become really shaken up by your own imagination: imagine ghosts, demons.  Imagine that they are killing you, trying to rape you, imagine you lost your job, no money, you are dying, your lover betrayed you….. Get into the fear as deeply as possible and whatever happens, go into it.

After you go into your fear whatever position you like you can take it. Or making sounds: crying, moaning, screaming.

 

Step 2: Gibberish.  5 mins

Stand up, do gibberish shaking away this fear and move the body.

This releases the pent up extra energy (which is judged as negative) from the body


Step 3: Accept Fear.  10 mins

Sitting. Accept whatever is there.

“In the daytime or any other time, whenever fear arises, accept it. Don’t reject it; don’t think that it is something wrong that you have to overcome. It is natural. By accepting it and by expressing it at night, things will start changing.” – Osho

This can be done any time of day and then repeated at night.


Step 4. Sit silently.  10 mins

Some suggestions – watch your breath, chant a mantra in your mind, meditate on God, Meditate on your self, listen to ALL the sounds around you without focusing on any one in particular, think peaceful thoughts…

http://www.osho.com/meditate/meditation-for-busy-people/facing-your-fear

Just a reminder that the mind creates it’s own reality …

Thought Virus

A virus has no self sustaining capabilities of its own. In order for it to live, it needs to hijack another life-system. It takes control and reproduces itself over and over at the expense of its host causing deisese and sickness. In the same way, human consciousness is infected with a thought virus. 

One hundred years ago, it is estimated that the average human had approximately 5000 thoughts per day. Today, it’s up to 50,000. Just observe yourself, doesn’t it seem as though you are always searching for something to keep the mind occupied – to keep the thought process going? Isn’t there something unsettling about this? And now we live in the information age. The species is sick and we hardly notice. 

An antidote is to suspend this process and transcend the mind, not by reading or following scriptures, but by direct experience in a thought-free state.

– Roy Dopson

The Struggle is Real

i am not ok

i am feeling very low

i am not able to figure out why i am feeling low

i am not able to figure out What is the danger?

i am tired

My fears are in my head – but the Struggle is Real.

I am tired of struggling with my own negative interpretations and perceptions

My mind tries to figure out the reason I am feeling low, and sends these thoughts and images as probable reasons.

These thoughts and images of probable reasons, are believed in and thereby magnify the feelings.

seeing a rope in dim light and not recognizing it as a rope, a person mistakes it for a snake which he has seen elsewhere. The snake is not absolutely unreal, because it is actually experienced, and produces the same effect, such as fear and so on, as a real snake would. At the same time, it is not real, because it is no longer seen when the rope has been recognized – Adi Shankara

 

I sometimes I wish I had an excuse for feeling so low… but i don’t have one – and yet i feel like this.

I am disappointed in myself.

Sleep Invaders

Aah! Sleep!

Rest for the weary!

Sleep has always been my favorite time, when I’m troubled.

Ever since childhood, when my parents would ‘argue’. I would close my eyes and pretend I was asleep…

And lo! Behold! I would fall into the comfort of the soft slumber of nothingness… 

While falling asleep still brings great joy… However, over the years, my walking thoughts started to creep into my dreams.

I call them Sleep Invaders.

In my dreams I now live through those horrible visions, all projections of what I have thought come to life.

I experience being shouted at, being fired, being unemployed, destitute… And wake up in a cold sweat..

The sleep invaders have won, and ripped away my last refuge.

A Living Hell

Breathing is shallow…

Palms are sweaty..

Forehead is is cold and clammy …

Heart is beating fast…

Mind is racing….

Visions of ‘a Living Hell’ fill my awareness  –

  • Being Fired
  • Social Shame
  • Unemployment
  • Destitution
  • Family Shame
  • Living on handouts

Reading the News – every horrible thing I read … I can see happening to me –

  • An article of an emaciated man discovered dying in his house with the corpse of his wife – they did not have enough to eat…

 

  • A picture of a father carrying his baby daughter’s lifeless body from outside a hospital … where she had died on its steps … As he did not have enough money to cover her treatment.

 

Seeing destitutes, begging at the side of the road – torn, tattered clothes, small children sitting in the gutter, lying in the filth while their mothers beg from car to car, with an unconscious baby tied to their breast.

This can happen to me…

Imagination – the blessing that became a curse

“Ron has a wonderful imagination, he is extremely creative, passionate and energetic, with a bit more effort he can become much better.”  – This was what my teachers said for most of my years in school.

I read a Lot! I searched for answers to relieve my anxiety, anywhere that promised to provide them. 

My favorite was the great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov, he gave a glimpse into the future… What to expect… Where we would go… What we could become…

Little did I realize that what he said about AI and Robotics, would start happening so quickly… And that too without the safety net of his 3 Laws of Robotics…

I would get lost in the characters, in the worlds created by my imagination… Through my imagination, I would live, breathe and feel everything the character would go through. Every high, every low, every desire, every fear… I would feel viscerally.

I would personalize everything that happened in the book, I would imagine, what if I had a robot bard? Or a robot partner? 

I felt I was going through all the exciting adventures, trials and tribulations, safe in the knowledge, that it was just a work of fiction… And the hero would come out tops in the end.

But Tina was not a work of fiction… And the trials were real… And I did not know if I would come out tops

My imaginations rode wild across my bleeding heart … 

No, No, No, No! This just won’t do!

“I’m sorry Ron, this JUST won’t do! You have to push yourself.

Honestly, These KRAs are just not acceptable” …. Tina’s voice screeched on the phone.

She kept talking…. but i wasn’t listening…

Oh God! I’m going to lose my Job! I’m going to be unemployed, destitute, on the road, begging for scraps… My mind raced, throwing up visions of a dark future … worse than death.

I prayed  – God! Take me now! End this misery! I am pushing so HARD – and it’s still not enough. I’m tired! Let me Sleep – permanently.

My vision blurred… I felt dizzy… everything went blank.

I barely managed to say … “Sure Tina, I’ll try again…” … before she hung up.